A couple of weeks ago I was walking the North Surrey Rec Centre (I have a senior PE weight training class that uses the facility every day, as the school weight room is a little inadequate), and a thought came to my head,
"Walking is really easy". It sounds like a strange thought or comment to have, but two days later we had our HEAL meeting, and Randy did an exercise with regards walking and being in tune with ourselves and feeling the process of walking.
18 months ago (as I talked about in the previous blog regarding receiving care from another) I had yet another surgery on my left knee. This was the 4th one I have had and by far the longest to recoup from. Usually I listen to music as I walk from the school to the Rec Centre, but on Thursday I wasn't, and so my mind started drifting, which is when I came to the conclusion that walking was really easy. I was walking along and could feel no pain. I always say to Alexis that the beauty of pain is that you can never really remember it. You can remember that you were in extreme pain, that the pain lasted a long time, that you were sore - but when you really try to remember the pain, the feeling, the intensity - the brain has a remarkable way of censoring the crucial info.
As I walk to the Rec Centre the thought of being in extreme pain - before and after the surgery (as I was in a splint for 6 weeks), being unable to bend my leg, being on crutches after the reconstructive surgery and having a really hard time doing basic tasks that we take for granted. Putting on socks was impossible. So I didn't, and my left foot would be freezing, but it was nothing compared to the pain of bending over, struggling to put on a sock, straining my back and feel the knee push forward into the brace. It felt like I could feel the blood pulsating through the wounds. I would finally make it to the kitchen, after an arduous process of getting off the couch. Now remember I have a LOT of experience on crutches.
In the UK, we predominantly use the forearm/elbow crutches, and so when I broke my foot at 13; had my previous surgeries; tore ligaments in my ankle etc etc these are the crutches I have used, become accustomed to and am pretty damn good at!
However, this time, I was struggling - BIG TIME. I would make it to the kitchen. Then, when I wanted to make a sandwich, would open the fridge, prop the door open with one crutch, bend over with all my weight on one leg, reach in grab one item, spin around hop over to the counter, place the item down and repeat the process. You should have seen the shower process!
Needless to say, it was painful, both time-wise and actually pain-wise.
I was grateful that day, that walking was easy for me, because it hasn't been in the past, and it isn't for a lot of other people. I often take these things for granted and am happy that the beauty of pain is that often it is difficult to recall.
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